JUNK AND MEMORIES

LIST OF THINGS that came out of my old loft during a massive clear out last weekend by both sons who were obviously looking for something but wouldn't say what. At least they came armed with two Landrovers and a huge trailer, also accompanied by two girlfriends, two large dogs and two bottles of wine, one for them and one for me.

Items thrown down loft hole to me and waiting girlfriends (because of course, being girls, we can't get up the loft hole as there are no proper loft ladders and we don't have the strength to haul our bodyweight through the hole, which in my case, is in fact true) to calls of COMING DOWN and WATCH OUT MUVVER, SORRY I DIDN'T MEAN TO HIT YOU WITH IT, and DON'T THROW THAT IN THE TRAILER, I WANT IT......

*Old knitting machine that is just as old as the day it was put in the loft that no one will let me open in case I burst into spontaneous knitting again and start replicating liquorice allsorts jumpers that sons were made to wear aged 5 & 10.

* Step daughters box of school work and mounds of Take That posters from the first time round.

* Dressmakers dummy size 12 (that was a few years ago) that I wasn't allowed to touch in case I felt the need to start dressmaking again, it went straight in the trailer.

* First son's christening gown that I told my ex-mother in law I'd given back to her already when asked for - obviously I was wrong.

* Pair of black ice skates that I bought from Silver Blades ice rink, Birmingham on trips there with the school, and later on the train with boyfriend then husband now ex husband, yes I could skate backwards and do twirls, I could also fall over and get my hand skated over by better skaters than me.

*Copious amounts of model railway track, complete with boards, model stations, dust and half made models, entwined with parts that used to belong to computers, sega mega drives and other stuff boys like to take to pieces to see how they are made (I suspect this is what they were looking for as the railway track didn't go in the trailer)

*Bundles of Landrover brochures from 1994 and related stuff to do with Landrovers, which caused a lot of excitement when sons realised that both their Landrovers were in fact made in 1994, and there they were, back in 1994, hiding in the loft so I couldn't see what they were doing, fiddling with model railways and looking at brochures of brand new Landrovers, of which they now have the exact one, unfortunately, not as in mint condition as pictured in the brochure.

*Sons old baby cot, thrown in pieces at me down loft hole and straight into trailer, together with Amstrad computers, old scanners and lots of empty boxes saved up there 'just in case we need to take it back'.

* Bertie the blind yorkshire terrier's dog coat (who is sadly no longer with us, but was a tough old geezer who went on and on, blind as he was, even after being knocked out by the line prop, squashed by a falling bookshelf and sat on hundreds of times by guests, I think he lived to about 17, as I didn't rescue him till he was 12) but his coat looks good on charlie the cat (the one who thinks he's a dog anyway) charlie wasn't too impressed so I did take it off after he'd wandered round the room skulking.

*Great bundles of old cigarette cards that son retrieved, at the time he was given them they were chucked up the loft, scattering everywhere, but now realising they are proably collectable, were carefully picked up one by one and put in box with railway track.

*Bundles of lovely soft cot sheets in perfect condition, that are so soft my husband thinks they will be ideal for polishing his trike and bike!!!! (and, even though he doesn't realise it, ideal for him to polish MY trike at the same time)

Three trailer loads to the tip later, the hall stairs and landing was covered in dust, cobwebs and bits of I dread to think what. If anyone wants a knitting machine or ice skates they are on ebay, with collectors editions of Rupert Bear annuals, a users guide to Amstrad computers and a Haynes manual for a Granada car, happy bidding. Collection only, but mind the cat in the dog coat, the dog eating the cat food, and the son running off with my gas bottles.